Pinky's Needling

I try to ignore most of Pinky's aggravating insinuations. However, he is now implying that my career as costumer to some of the greatest stars of "the other Hollywood" is somehow a matter of secrecy. I am very proud of the filmy little numbers I have tatted for those who make their living in the sexual stimulation industry. Many of those stars have expressed their gratitude for the robes, coverlets and other part warmers I have crocheted for their use off camera as well.

Repay Your Debts to Your Elders

I paid my dear aunt in the nursing home a visit. She is having trouble eating. She has Alzheimer's, but she was never too sane to begin with. My other two aunts came to visit her, too. They are equally insane, but in different ways. We had a lovely time, although I was the designated diaper changer. It's amazing how much comes out of a person who isn't eating. Those nutritional beverages are miraculous.
We all gathered together, aging cousins and old mothers, in a fake living room where we were served a nursing home dinner. We were having a pretty jolly time until the auntie who wasn't eating started asking her sisters, one after the other, if she could come live with them. Everyone decided it was time for her to go to bed. I took her to her room and put her in her nightgown. I helped her stand while she brushed her teeth. I put her to bed. She asked me to stay with her. I told her I would, then I kissed her and turned out the light and closed the door.

You Shoulda Been There

The cops in downtown Waxahachie are still scratching their heads in wonderment over the remains of Sugar and Tib's big New Year's blowout. Good thing they were laying low, or Tib would have been discovered in jail instead of the closet! The crowd managed to raise the roof of the courthouse and deposit it on top of the condemned boondoggle. Some of the city Christmas decorations will never be the same. It's a real shame about that poor girl. I hope they find her some time soon.
The meatophile was getting it wherever he could- he even kissed Elf on the lips. Unfortunately, Elf wasn't able to record that one. The meatophile was observed nuzzling someone who was in no condition to discriminate. All that remains are some pink spike heels. Pinky tried to wear them, but they wouldn't go over his big toe. He and Sugar were jitterbugging when a pack of dogs ran into the building and started fighting over the cheese plate. Pinky confessed to me that he woke up in some society woman's bed. I hope she's alright.
It's a hell of a way to start the year, but somebody's gotta do it.

Pinky on my Tail

Pinky is overly preoccupied with my holiday activities. What I choose to do for Christmas is MY business. He should take his cheese encrusted face elsewhere!
Pableaux and Granny D put on a splendid Christmas Day feast, although it was marred by Pinky's annoying brother, Hairy, who kept dropping his bone in his soup and making a terrible splash every few minutes. Before the end of the evening, the table cloth was ruined, and several guests were threatening to send their dry-cleaning bills to Pableaux. Even Pinky's dear friend Lance was so startled by Hairy's antics that he choked on the squash tart. Pinky retrieved the soggy crust from Lance's throat just in the nick of time, but not before several guests bid a hasty farewell. Those who are unfamiliar with the habits and customs of the Diablo clan would be better off if they passed up any invitations.

The Party that Never Ended

There were a number of fetishists attending the party besides Pinky. Enid passed out silly horns to everyone because she likes to watch people blow. Pinky got out of bed long enough to satisfy the needs of Jewish Elf. Elf has a bicycle fetish, and he keeps hundreds of them stored in a secret location. Pinky brought Elf a bicycle which they both rode down the street to a vacant house. I won't tell you what they did there, but several laws were broken. This is an example of the type of trouble that surrounds Pinky every time he goes to town.

At the Same Party

I went to the party expecting to enjoy some delicious venison balls, but they were nowhere to be found among the refreshments. I even tried to look under the table without being too obvious to see if they had rolled under there. Someone we all know has a meat fetish. No meat is safe when the Meat Thief is around. It is a mystery to all of the Ellis county crowd. We have speculated about the fate of the missing meat- turkey, pork, venison and more- that has simply disappeared from the scene. Friends, be advised. Keep an eye on your meat.

Holiday Party Adventures

Last night I accepted an invitation to a party that Pinky also attended. Pinky spent the evening in the hostess' bed, squeezing his pet monkey till it squealed pitifully. Finally the monkey escaped, causing pandemonium. It peed in Miss Love's ear before escaping to the great outdoors. Pinky's pregnant bed partner was so overcome by the incident that she finally had to be carried out on a stretcher. Jewish Elf videotaped the whole affair.

Pinky Wants to Make Up

Although Pinky still keeps referring to that awful story he made up about Arkansas, I do appreciate the credit he gave me for crocheting those finger puppets for the homeless. It does my heart good to see them lustily gobbling their sandwiches with puppet covered fingers and communicating amongst themselves with little puppet hand signs. Unlike Pinky and his misguided attempts to achieve enlightenment, I spend my spare time doing good!

Sugar Rescues Pinky

Sugar is our mutual acquaintance who lives in Waxahachie. She and her husband, Thibideaux run a tidy little business there selling vintage sex toys. Now, why anyone would want a used sex toy, no matter how old is beyond my comprehension, but they do a land office business. Sugar has an uncanny ability to communicate with Pinky. When she sensed his distress, she came right over and fetched him off my lawn. I stayed in the house and watched Pinky worm his way on to her back seat.

Pinky to Cause International Incident

I told you Pinky was a megalomaniac! I just discovered that Pinky has saved all the entrails from the prize hog his organization sponsored last year. He has given each body part a name in Hebrew and plans to serve this dish at a state dinner his brother, the diplomat, is holding this spring.

Pinky Overdid It!

When I came home this afternoon after Prayer Service, I found Pinky on my living room rug, curled up and wearing nothing but some wide pink ribbon, wrapped around him from neck to toe. I kicked him in the crotch and told him to leave. He kept moaning something about chutney and cocktail sauce as he hunched his way out the door. Dear Readers, I'm sorry to paint such an ugly picture, but Pinky is still lying on my front lawn in the chocolate, and I need someone to come get him.

Keeping the Spotlight on Pinky

Pinky has displayed a photo of one of the many mobile homes he has parked all over his property. He kept Enid, his "personal assistant", a virtual prisoner there for an entire year while forcing her to do menial tasks and clean up after him. Fortunately, Enid found better, slightly less demeaning employment and escaped Pinky's clutches. It was a true Cinderella story.
I have NEVER lived in Arkansas!

Pinky Has Ways

Pinky has been trying to intimidate me with his emails. He recently sent me a very shocking photograph of himself. I won't publish it because it is too obscene, but suffice to say he is far too intimate with his animals! His efforts to shift the attention to me will ultimately backfire. His dirty linen will be his shroud!